I'm so fucking centered right now
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I had to cum in my sink.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
