Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
