dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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