Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
