omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize