he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
