you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
