we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
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