You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
