These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
