She is in my trunk
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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