the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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