You're so nebulous sometimes
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
