Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
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