I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
time to smoke my breakfast
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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