um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
