ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Randomize
