Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize