Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
