I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
