Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
