Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
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