i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
