Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
