I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
