im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
