I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
