I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
