Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Randomize
