What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Randomize
