forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
