Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
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