We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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