This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
