Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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