well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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