I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
