Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
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