is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
it's great music for shaving your balls
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
