I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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