I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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