Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
