This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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