I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Randomize
