I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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