Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
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