I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
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