His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
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