they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
