Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Don't EVER smell your tampon
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Randomize
