they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
