Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
