someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
