apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
