You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
