Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
