I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
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