If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
These tits shall not be calmed
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