Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
