I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
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