I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Randomize
