brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize