two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
All I want is dick and wine.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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