I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Randomize
