one two three fourrrrnication!
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize