you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Randomize
