I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
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