Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
