so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
